Cassie and I were crawling through small tunnels in Ireland. The tunnels led to a very wet cave where a large snake lived. The snake talked and had a feminine voice. She invited us to dinner in her dimly lit cave. She served red wine, lettuce soup, and meat from human children. She used chopsticks and we used silverware. Then I went to a different part of the cave where I had a seated water gun fight with LeBron James and two other men. This event had a small audience.

Gabe and I were sitting at a table with a strange new kid. Gabe was mad at him for drawing on the table with a blue crayon. Gabe’s mom removed the crayon marks right away. The kid wanted to know what my favorite small business was. I told him I wasn’t sure because I didn’t get out much. The kid gave me a large bag filled with candy, cookies, and Millionaires cassette tapes. He told me to distribute these things to CSU students in the name of Buddha. Then he got mad when he saw me licking a lollipop in public.

My mom left me at my grandparents’ house with a seven-foot bear. She also left a noisy coyote pup in the closet. The bear got sick of the noise so he killed the coyote and left its bones on the floor. My mom returned and I sat on a loveseat with her. My grandparents sat on separate couches. We were listening to War From A Harlots Mouth but my grandpa turned it off after a few songs and switched to bagpipe music.

Chelsea Handler showed up at my house and we decided to go to the mall. Her dog sat in the front seat but she wanted to ride in the back of my Jeep with all the stuff. We had sushi and tequila at the mall. We also went to a grocery store there. Chelsea left and I met up with Teena who was wearing a wedding dress and a white knit hat. The sushi and tequila made me throw up in a trash can. I was very embarrassed. Teena didn’t mind and she told me about worse things she had done in front of her dance partner. We met Danny at a picnic table then Teena left with Michael, her fiancé. Their wedding was scheduled for Friday.

Part One

People in a large dimly lit hotel kept running around trying to kill each other. They used things like axes, guns, and mace to do so. Innocent bystanders had their legs chopped off at the knees.

Part Two

There was an assembly in an auditorium. I had my arm around Teena during the movie. Everyone stood up for the national anthem; they quickly sat back down when they found out that it was for deaf students only. Many people sat down in a different row, including Teena. The assembly ended and she tried to ignore me while exiting the auditorium.