Celebrities

I was J.D. from Scrubs and I had just robbed a bank in Moab. The digital compass in my Jeep said I was driving east on some kind of dirt road or race track in the city. Then I had a date with Paris Hilton and her father in an empty bus station and we were all speaking French but I guess I didn’t like that so I got up and left and threw all my money in the air.

I told everyone that Between the Buried and Me was going to play at CSU and it was true except Hayley Williams of Paramore was filling in for Tommy Rogers. After they played in front of the Clark Building I kissed her on each cheek and then ran off because I was late for class and I became even more late because I kept forgetting my books. The school had very complex architecture.

Jenna Jameson became pregnant but an extra sperm cell became trapped inside the combined cells which caused her baby to have clear skin and no bones or muscles. You could see its blood pumping through its veins. It couldn’t talk because it didn’t have any bones. The doctors replaced its skull with that of a crocodile which made it look like Alien Resurrection. One day it started talking and they discovered that it had grown its own bones and normal skin, muscles, etc. It grew into a handsome man who married a beautiful alien and they had a daughter but the government kept sending little girl robots to capture the daughter.

I left my dorm at night because I was bored because everyone was taking pictures of each other from their balconies (I started it). I went to a Native American gift shop where they were selling posters of aliens and of Fred Astaire playing Macbeth. The next day Andrea, Scott, and I went to visit my dad at his cabin in Pagosa Springs where there was snow on the ground but at the same time it was surprisingly warm. People were reading aloud to each other on the roof where you could see mountains, lakes, and trees for miles but I didn’t like the view so that night I shot and killed a bunch of army guys in the snow. Then Bill and I put Silly String on our faces.

Scott or Greg and I were driving through the desert at night when a radio ad came on that said we had to buy their Bill Cosby compilation because he was going to pay somebody to kill him. So we got out and started our fire and fed it popcorn and eggs. There was also something about CSU being a very large graveyard.